By David Maillu
Published September 16, 2023

How many vows have
been made by wedding couples regarding keeping the marriage until they get
parted by death, only to break the vow tomorrow? Marriage is a mere trade
of emotions and process of procreation between man and woman.Divorce is one of the bitterest things in
human social life. The rate of divorce differs from one community to
another. In traditional Africa divorce was rare because of the advanced
social fabric in which communities lived. The change of that fabric has
brought a rising rate of divorce. That, in itself, is an implication that
divorce or sustainability of marriage is a fashionable matter to living
conditions. But even with the risen rate of divorce, divorce stands at a
low stage in Africa compared to that in the western world where one can
say and get right that out of every five marriages, three end in divorce.
Does that mean the concept of marriage in Africa is different from that of
the western world?

On the international arena when the breaking news reached people that the
one of the richest men in the world, Bill Gates and his wife were involved
in a divorce, people wondered, “What on earth?” Those were people who
believe wealth sustains marriage. Which is not the case always. In fact,
substantial number of divorces involve wealthy couples. The irony is that
it is rare for a couple to divorce because they are poor. If anything,
poverty has sustained many marriages where the couple becomes companions
in fighting for their survival.

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Divorce is a challenge to the values upon which marriage is made. For
those who believe love and marriage is made in heaven, the common divorces
in the world is a testimony to the fact marriage is an earthly-made thing.
If the marriage was joined by God, it would not break. How many vows have
been made by wedding couples regarding keeping the marriage until they get
parted by death, only to break the vow tomorrow? Marriage is a mere trade
of emotions and process of procreation between man and woman.

Divorce is telling courting people, “Watch out, what you think about your
marriage may be untrue and unachievable. Think seriously before you get
married and don’t take things for granted. It is not necessarily the
feeling you have for the marriage which will give it life. To love someone
is not a guarantee that you will always love him or her. Love is a
conditional trade, depending upon change of social weathers. Love can be
based on misconception of life; for he who can love can hate.”

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What a boy sees in a girl he is courting for marriage is different from
what the girl sees in him. They can be lying to each other. One of both
could be driven by unrealism. Marriage is not only love and sex; for love
and sex demand other packages in order to survive. The material things
which make one get attracted to getting married, sooner or later, may be
the same materials which would break the marriage.

The complexities of what makes marriage survive were the considerations
that made traditional community disregard individualism in couples looking
for marriage partner. The family got involved in helping the person make
the choice. The family could successfully challenge the choice. The power
or drug of the love-emotion can distort the thinking of the person. No
wonder that choices of marriages which were supported by other persons
survived more than individual choices. There is the saying that if you
marry a woman because she is beautiful, the marriage would not stop men
who love beauty from seeing your wife. Beauty takes with it its
liabilities to the marriage.