By David Maillu
Published September 22, 2023
Married men appear to die earlier than their wives. In
countryside widows are everywhere while widowers are rare.
The social life of widows is easily addressed by the children. In whatever
happens, children appear to remain closer to their mothers than to their
father.
The story is rather miserable to old men who have lost their wives. When
children grow up go out of the family, husbands become closer to their
wives because of the company. A grave misfortune strikes when the wife
dies, leaving the husband lonely. He is less lonely if he is economically
strong, at his best if he is wealthy because he still attracts company
from other quarters.
The misfortune intensifies when he is an ordinary man of lesser means.
Perhaps he is in his 60s or 70s or more. To a man, at whatever age, the
company of woman is inspiring. Leave sex alone, naturally, there’s no age
at which a man outgrows the touch and smell of woman. Although it is
difficult to replace a spouse who has died, a husband who loses his wife
through death would want to have a matrimonial company. But the elephant
in the house is, at that age, where would he get a convenient replacement
tuned to the frequency of his age? There are no free women for marriage at
old age. At that advanced age, women have adult children and matters about
marriage are out.
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If the man wants a matrimonial companion, the only choice he has is to
revisit the world of girls, something described in Europe as when winter
meets spring. If he has means, he attracts many girls who see him in
various motives. Generally, old men attract girls because of their
stability in life, less aggressive behaviour, forgiving, patient and, as
often claimed, they know the value of woman. An old man, therefore, has
got no problem if getting a girl for marriage.
However, the girl he is courting sees him in terms of financial security;
an opportunity for her to jump from the world of have-nots to the world of
haves. Sexually, she knows marrying an old man is misfortune. In the
material world, an old man should go for marrying a girl with awareness
that he can fall into a monster who, in order for her to inherit what he
has, she can help him die, or kill him, particularly if she smells out an
opportunity that after his death, she can still get married. There are
monster girls who make fortune out of marrying old wealthy men and killing
them.
It is nothing new in traditional society for old men to marry girls. That
has always been done for various reasons. However, keeping a young wife in
traditional society was easy because she was under the eyes of the
extended family, and she knew the dangers of playing tricks on the old
man. But the story is different today when the old husband is without the
power of the extended family.
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The young wife’s worst enemies are the children of the husband who see her
as direct threat to their estate. The children are so powerful that they
can destroy her easily. Children have a wrong perception that an old man
does not need a woman’s company. “What for?” that is the biggest question
out of their wrong imagination. So, instead of helping the father keep the
young wife, they take stands to drive her out of his life.
These old widowers find themselves caught in that dilemma. They are very
vulnerable to materialistic girls. It is stupid for anyone of them to
trust girls. If he must succeed, he must approach the matter cautiously
and look for a girl of substance. A girl who loves him for what he is but
not for what he has. Those girls are available for careful seekers. He can
learn about her quality from studying her background and family. Her
ambition can tell him the degree of her commitment as a wife. Even when
she has accepted to marry him, he should treat her with suspicion. Only
experience in living with her will tell him what kind of person she is.
There are girls who can make wonderful wives to old men.
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